i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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