he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
