P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
