I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
