so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
