Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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