The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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