Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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