You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize