look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
