Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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