plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
