no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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