I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
