My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
