1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
