If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
