I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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