My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
