the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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