Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
