I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
