True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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