i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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