im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
