she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
