clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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