Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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