U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
