i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
