is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
