we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize