Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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