I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
