Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You ruined the universe
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
