what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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