she woke up with a sticky ear
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
