I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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