I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
