I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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