I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
