dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
