I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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