i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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