You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
