i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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