I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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