I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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