He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
be right there i have to get my cape
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
