hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They took my balls.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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