he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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