My sheets look like a crime scene.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
