he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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