I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
