She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize