I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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