sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
