i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
