It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
