bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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