why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
