bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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