saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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