I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
