I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
