I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
