And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
