If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
