Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
