She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
