it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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