How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls