glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.