He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.