I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap