Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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