Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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