Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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