You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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