she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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