there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
